


The Weight of This

by slamncram (GettheSalt)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GettheSalt/pseuds/slamncram
Summary: It's been days. Thor cannot let himself feel.Filled for the prompt "I'll wait."





	The Weight of This

These past few days have been nothing but a procession of numbness, watching the grief and disbelief on the faces of his friends and their allies, knowing he, too, should feel it, but that would be opening himself to too much.

He had said to Rocket that grief was a great motivator, but there is nothing to motivate him, right now. They lost. Despite everything, despite the attempts they had made, and everything they had lost before Thanos had snapped his fingers and taken an even higher toll, they had _lost_.

They were Avengers. They didn’t _lose_.

It didn’t seem fair. Not after everything that his people had suffered, not after the destruction of his home world. There had been plans, and the Asgardians had had hope. A new day, a brighter day, was coming, and they simply had to get to Earth and meet it.

But the universe had felt that was too simple.

T’Challa’s home was devastated, too, and much of the post-battle effort was going towards restoring Wakanda and bringing respect to their dead. There wasn’t time to stop and feel his grief, there was no time for Thor to mourn the losses of Heimdall and the others.

There simply wasn’t time for him to grieve Loki, right now.

All of that had pushed him forward, and had sustained him, up until the moment Thanos had snapped his fingers.

What was there, now?

They had no idea where he was, or what they could do to reverse this. How could they undo something that never should have been possible in the first place? It was simply too large a task. Instead, they recuperated, and accepted that a time may come for their next move, but they were all simply too worn down to dive headlong into it, now. There were efforts to see if they could find out what happened to the rest of the Guardians, if anyone knew anything of Stark’s whereabouts, but those were things in the background to Thor’s every day. And his every night.

“You need to at least try to sleep, buddy.”

Steve’s voice was a welcome respite from the things he was replaying in his head, while he stood at the large, plate glass windows, and looked out over Wakanda. Despite everything that had happened here, the city was still so beautiful, and when he looked at it, lit up in the night, Thor thought he could try and fool himself into something resembling peace. It was difficult, but, while the city and his friends slept – in the case of the latter, in shifts – he stayed awake with his grief, and looked at the city lights.

“I don’t need sleep.”

In the reflection in the glass, Thor could see Steve’s smile. That sad, broken thing. He hadn’t smiled a real one once since Thor had been back.

“I know you don’t. But... You’ve been through a lot.” His hand came down on Thor’s shoulder, and with it, the weight of everything he had seen in these past weeks. “Just... Listen, go to the room T’Challa gave you. Lay down. Try and get just an hour of sleep. It might help. Not much, but it might.”

Turning, Thor could see the truth in Steve’s expression. It didn’t help much, but there was a reason he laid down for a few hours every night. The weight of their grief could become overwhelming if they didn’t take a moment and try to lessen it in whatever way they could.

It was for that reason that Thor took his advice, but, two hours later, he was still laying in the bed, comfortable, warm, and quiet, staring at the wall, and hearing Loki’s voice, over and again.

_I assure you, brother._

Had Loki known, then? Thor doubted it. There had been such hope that the Hulk would be enough to beat Thanos, that they would be able to expel the Black Order from the ship, and get away without losing more than they already had. Thor had been disappointed, angry; Loki had brought the Tesseract from Asgard, and brought this down on them. He hadn’t meant to, though. How many years had Loki hidden from Thanos? Maybe it had seemed simple for them to get away, off his radar, especially when the news had gotten around that Asgard was destroyed.

Had Loki known that everything would be for nought?

Thor suspected he hadn’t, not until the moment he had faced Thanos with nothing more than one of his daggers, and a last-ditch attempt at putting an end to the Mad Titan. He’d said his peace, his _oath_ , to Thor, and Thor had understood.

Loki had always been a little mad, but the madness he’d embraced with that final attempt had been more than Thor had ever witnessed. It had been Loki’s undoing, but if Loki hadn’t tried it, who knew what would have become of them both?

He’d died for Thor, and that knowledge was what kept Thor awake, the tears from his one true eye silent while he clung to the memory of Loki’s voice.

_The sun will shine on us again_.

It sounded like a promise. Every time Thor replayed those words in his head, he made one of his own, hoping that wherever Loki was, be it Valhalla or some other plane, he would hear it.

_I’ll wait._


End file.
